Following on yesterday's thought... it's quite interesting that I've became such an overachiever. I don't think I was ever like this before. I'd always see these overachievers in elementary school, middle school, high school and college, but I always thought they were really out there. They're always anxious, only thinking about achievements and getting good grades, and don't care about you, if you're not part of their plan to succeed. I never thought I'd become one of them since I really didn't have high standards for myself. Somehow, over time, I've became one of them. Maybe it's the day that I realized that "I" could achieve too. Maybe it's the moment I realized that I am actually pretty smart. Maybe it's the day I was left in charge of many things and I saw how "I" could make it happen. Whatever the cause, I've became quite a perfectionist and an overachiever.

I was finishing up these cake pops for my friend's son's birthday, which she already told me don't wear myself out, yet because I like the sense of accomplishment and adding one more accomplished projects to my repertoire, I went all out getting it done. While I was running to Michael's getting the last minute item I needed, I had a realization - do I do anything out of love for people or do I just do it for praise and acclaim? If you take away all the responsibilities and jobs I have, I'd certainly create my own projects to accomplish because I'm such a workaholic and I cannot sit idle. It makes me wonder if I go to school to learn or I go to school because it's another challenge that I want to conquer and say "I did it!" I think it's quite the latter at this time. I seem to live for praise, approval, affirmation, and the like...

Desperately need Jesus. Desperately need to have Him give me my definition.

Just jotting down a few thoughts before I forget.

It's quite interesting the "things" you learn from school. I was talking to ET on Sunday about school, and he said that school has taught him a lot about himself, like how he is very focused on getting good grades instead of the point of learning. How true! I've also realized that about myself. I've been obsessing about getting that "A", so much that I always want to "best the rest". I wanted to write the best paper, give the best post, get the most points from each homework, etc... I just want to do the best that I can to get that "A". Like ET says, Biola grades very easily. I was never used to getting an "A" so easily, especially not in engineering classes. Usually half the class would fail all exams and the professor would have to grade on a curve. I remember studying until 12 midnight each day, and waking up at 6:30am to go to class at 8am. But not so now. Although grading is a lot easier, I have a lot more to read and write that I didn't used to do. Anyways, back on topic. I've realized that I focus so much on getting "A"s in class that I forget why I'm even in school. It seems like the satisfaction I get from going to school is accomplishing another task and patting myself on the back to say "well done", instead of learning about education and focusing on teaching kids in the future. Oiy. Really need to refocus.

Other interesting thing I learned about school. Why do most college students have Macs?! All the laptops I've seen in my class so far had been Macs. My goodness, was there a big sale at the school? Or is this the trendy thing to buy now? I must say, that's not cheap stuff! I felt out of place bringing in a HP! Ha!

Alright, back to work.

Encouragements are oxygen to the soul, as you may have heard.

I've been particularly down today, both because of overwhelming school work and some personal issues. It was really hard to lift myself up to get my essays done... and I was so overwhelmed with the pressure from school that I really wanted to break down. Nevertheless, I went to class today. I think being so overwhelmed (I used that word three times already) makes me kinda spacey... like I'm trying to get things done mechanically, but I'm not all there. When the professor was passing back our homework that she had graded, she said "you're a great writer!" And I replied, "really? I am?"

Really, I am?

I've had people tell me that I write well probably, four times in my entire life. I mean, these compliments lapse over 31 years of my life -- they seriously cannot mean I'm a good writer, right? Not only that, every English class I've had all showed grades that reflected otherwise. I dreaded English classes. I dreaded writing and reading! And... I'm a great writer? Wow... I guess all I can say is I'm very thankful for her encouragement and compliment. It really gave me the confidence boost I needed to continue the monumental task of finishing the literature review and never-ending papers.

But yes, I just realized how important encouragements are. May I be an "encourager" and not a "discourager"!

This song I've been hearing on the radio really says it all. Enjoy!

"Words" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anVweXDcxhA)

They've made me feel like a prisoner
They've made me feel set free
They've made me feel like a criminal
Made me feel like a king

They've lifted my heart
To places I'd never been
And they've dragged me down
Back to where I began

Words can build you up
Words can break you down
Start a fire in your heart or
Put it out

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

You can heal the heartache
Speak over the fear
(Speak over the fear)
God, Your voice is the only thing
We need to hear
(We need to hear)

Words can build us up
Words can break us down
Start a fire in our hearts or
Put it out

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You
(Back to You)

Let the words I say
(Let the words I say)
Be the sound of Your grace
(Sound like Your grace)
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

I wanna speak Your love
Not just another noise
Oh, I wanna be Your light
I wanna be Your voice

Let my words be life
Let my words be truth
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You
(Back to You)

Let the words I say
(Let the words I say)
Be the sound of Your grace
(Sound like Your grace)
I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You
(Back to You)

Words can build us up
Words can break us down
Start a fire in our hearts
Or put it out

I don't wanna say a word
Unless it points the world back to You

Wow, I can't believe xanga still exists! After all those months of raising funds to prolong its longevity. Anyways, I guess my journaling (rambling) will continue!

By the way, it looks much easier to use than before!